Barefoot Brunette: God Uses Broken Things

Hooray it's Monday! (said no one ever) So this post was bound to happen sometime so I guess what better time than now? Two weeks ago at a meet in Boise I dislocated and fractured my ankle running the 60. Sad thing is I won my heat and made finals. I just remember hitting the mat and turning to run down the ramp and hitting the ground. I looked down and my foot was completely perpendicular with my leg. You always learn about these types of injuries happening to people and the closest you'll get to actually seeing it is the pictures in your textbook. I can't decide if it's scarier knowing what is wrong with you than not knowing at all. I had officially become the picture in my anatomy textbook. I knew exactly what was wrong with me and all I could think was my season was over. I sat in shock as the trainers piled around me and then it hit me. The realization and the pain. I couldn't stop the tears and I just kept repeating over and over again, "Someone please help me. Please help me." They put me in a splint and carried me outside. It's so weird when your body is in shock because nothing feels real, yet everything is intensified. I could hear the crowd clapping as I was carried off. I can't begin to say how thankful I am that both of my parents were there. My dad told them to not call the ambulance and RAN to get his truck. He said he felt so good being able to run again. That made my heart happy. The pain got worse as we drove to the ER. Once we got there all I wanted was some drugs to numb the pain. I could barely stand to look down at my foot. They hooked me up to my IV and gave me Percocet and morphine. Man did that feel good. Haha I can see why people get addicted to that stuff! They took x-rays and the doctor explained to me that they were going to need to reset my foot to reduce it. They gave me 'milk of magnesia' and man does that stuff work magic! I vaguely remember them pumping me with the medication with low doses at first and I was slowly getting dizzier. I don't know how much time had passed, but I said something to the effect of, "Is it going to be like on the movies where they reset it and it's really painful?" Everyone started laughing and I looked down and my foot had been reduced and put in a splint. Grandma and Grandpa were there too. Grandma told me that Grandpa could barely get of the stands because he was crying so hard. I couldn't even imagine my grandpa crying. I know they really care about me though. Turns out I fractured my poor talus right down the middle. They took me to get a CT to make sure I wouldn't need surgery. When the scans came back they said I was good to go. No weight bearing for at least 6-8 weeks and a cast. I got wheeled out to the truck and realized I had to go to the bathroom. My mom wheeled me back into the hospital and then it all really hit me. I couldn't run, let alone go the bathroom by myself. I tried to stop crying but it just kept coming in waves. I wanted to know why this was happening to me.

The ride home was terrible. I tried to sleep but every bump hurt more than the last. You never really realize how bumpy a road is until you dislocate your ankle haha. The first week back was hard. I didn't go to class at all so I was confined to my couch listening to hours and hours of recorded lectures and accumulating bedsores (haha not really). But let me tell you one thing: I am so loved. Thank goodness for sisters. They literally are bending over backwards to help me do anything. Sometimes bending a little to far because they're so worried I'm going to hurt myself haha. Brooke has been camping out in my room because she doesn't want me to sleep alone and Kim had to help me shower. I'll leave it at that. Haha. And I just love Jessica. She bought me a caramel apple spice at Starbucks and is currently driving me up and down campus because unfortunately our campus is on top of a steep hill! Heather brought me a cute little stuffed dog and a balloon with chocolate. Landon Watts, bless his heart, brought me flowers. I literally almost cried. And I've had lots of visitors to whom I tell the same story over and over again but it's worth it. <3

The following week I went to the orthopedist here in Logan. I was so ready to get a cast and start recovering. He took one look at my x-rays and said I needed surgery. I was so angry. The doctors in Boise told me I wouldn't need surgery and now I most definitely need it. Later that week I went to Salt Lake to see the ankle and foot specialist at TOSH. Dr. Morgan was great and really took care of me. He took the splint off and took more x-rays. My foot was still slightly turned in and looked like a rotten banana all the way up my calf. He concluded I needed surgery. He then told me that because of the level of athletics I participate in, he couldn't promise I would be able to get back to what I do at a hundred percent. After he left the room I cried and my dad just held me. Surgery was on Friday morning. All of the nurses were so kind to me and the surgery went without any complications. So now I have three screws in my talus and am officially a robot haha. I've had really good days and some pretty low days. Still trying to keep the bad days to a minimum. Some days I feel so angry with myself and sometimes the Lord because I don't understand why he would have this happen to me. But over the weeks I've seen so many good things come of this. It's allowing me to become humble and patient and trust in the Lord and his plan for me. And it's allowing others to serve and possibly grow from this as well. I've figured out how to do most things by myself and am trying to keep up on my core and one-legged pushups. Every night I have a dream where I'm running and then I wake up to reality. I don't know if I'm going to run again. But I do know that the Lord has a plan for me and I need to trust in it. And I know that I am so immensely loved.

(please excuse how homely I look in the majority of these pictures haha) One last thing to add to my gigantic post. As I was sitting here blogging, I got a letter in the mail from my grandparents and it was the cutest thing ever. Something so simple has made my day ten times better. So try and do something good for someone today. They might really need it. I wanted to share this quote because I've pulled a lot of strength from it and I just love it:

"God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. It is Peter weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever." - Vance Havner